well i was writing on the train last night and i stopped when i got off and never finished. i tend to do that a lot, start writing and never finish, which i think makes blog rather disjointed, or will when i finally get everything updated...
i was still angry when i got off the train, but i feel better today. i talked about it with lloyd, thought about it on my own, read some of the writings, and slept, after which i feel much better. for now, anyway. i never actually got to writing what, exactly, i was angry about. at the time i was writing, i wasn't all that sure, just that i was, at myself.
it's hard to explain, i guess. i miss Anand. but i'm here, and he's not, so i'm trying to be happy, etc, but no one is particularly interesting to me. sure i have crushes, i have this thing with nick, and of course i still look at people, but it's all rather detached, like a habit that i don't really focus on. it's strange - i can be making out with nick, and be in a completely different place, thinking about Anand. and then i think to myself, why am i here, what the fuck am i doing with this person i don't care about?
nick was surprised at the way i changed last night - one minute i was fine and then i just couldn't stand him touching me anymore. i'd been trying not to touch him all day, it was bothering me and finally i just couldn't take it, and i had to leave and go home. when i got back i was still restless, and he IMed me and wanted to know what was wrong - if he could help and such. and he can't so i told him that, and that it would be best if he just left me alone for a bit, cause i might say something and unintentionally hurt him.
Lloyd sent me a message, and we talked for a bit, and he made me feel better... -sigh- i guess, i will just have to deal with this, and try not to let it bother me, except every now and then...
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